(1-6-21 Gail’s email to her men) Dear men:
Though I appreciate how much better my diarrhea is, I am feeling stressed out by all the changes all at once and this feeling that no matter what I do, I’m going to mess up. I couldn’t sleep last night until about 3:30 a.m.and lay in bed crying and feeling like a failure, even though I went to bed at 8:30 and lay in bed feeling out of control and a failure. I spent an hour crying in bed, cuz I feel like an utter failure and that it’s impossible for me to overcome so many weaknesses that I am suddenly aware of. Realizing that I have failed in so many areas to do the Gail Commandments makes me depressed, cuz in some ways I thought I was doing them. Now I feel like I will always fail in the Gail Commandments and that all this overregulation is a condemnation of my INFP temperament, which I can’t seem to help, cuz it’s who I am. I also feel guilty about having that huge television set on my Amazon wish list and some of the other items, which seem like luxury items to me and possibly difficult to move.
I haven’t heard back from Susan yet and feel super guilty that I made her feel like she did. Though I will do my best to implement all the changes, I’m feeling like no matter what I do, I will end up making Jesus angry at me one way or another. He is starting to seem like my mother to me, cuz she would lay down all these rules and regulations and then seem to change her mind about them and then I’d get in trouble cuz I misunderstood her and didn’t do what she wanted. Then she’d scream at me and tell me I’m a selfish no good girl and I’m starting to feel like a selfish no good girl cuz it’s my fault I Iost Susan’s friendship and I misunderstood her kindness and because she did not clearly communicate with me that I was doing stuff that bothered her and, apparently, lied to me about how she really felt about some stuff and I am just feeling like I am being punished for misunderstanding people and losing friendships because I didn’t get the hints people were dropping at me.
It’s this feeling of the delayed bomb, where you’re doing stuff that irritates people, but they don’t tell you about it and when they finally do, you realize that you have been displeasing them all along and that perhaps there are other matters you are doing that are displeasing them and that no matter what you do, you will always displease them, and now I live in mortal fear that my whole life is displeasing to them and to Jesus.
On the other hand, I am grateful for the benefits of these changes, but feel like a failure, nevertheless and that my suffering is caused by my own weaknesses, some of which I may not be aware of and that I’m afraid I may not be able to overcome easily.
Realizing that a lot of my medical problems are possibly a form of PTSD, I’m feeling like I need more time to make all these changes and don’t want to feel so nervous about what I eat and do in all my lifestyle.
Myfitnesspal.com is not working and keeps crashing. so I’m forced to do my food diary just by writing it down now. Also, Jesus said when my men make suggestions, lt’s like it’s coming from him. But I’m getting so many suggestions and I know Jesus wants me in bed by 9 p.m.and I feel like I’m being pressured to get more done each day and yet I feel like having to do everything suggested is impossible in 24 hours. Jesus is just reminding me too much of my mother right now and I’m stressed out to the point that it affects my sleep.
I am an INFP and INFPs hate feeling overregulated and I’m feeling very overregulated right now. I also feel like, as I look over my life, that I’ve failed in so many areas, I feel like a failure and that I’m a big disappointment to the people who genuinely care about me and this feeling is making me feel like an alcoholic who has snuck too many drinks but can’t help myself and that I’m on a failure treadmill, which makes me sort of really sympathize with people like Kristofer Foster, even though I’ve never been drunk a day in my life.
I will see if I can go back to sleep. but I feel like I need a vacation from Jesus and I feel as guilty as hell for feeling this way.
Also, bringing up Loree McBride and her opinion of me as a wimp cuz I can’t take life’s normal stresses seems a bit unfair, since I have so little respect for her, it’s like why should I care what that bitch thinks? Like do I need to spend my life stressing over other people’s opinions of me, especially people who are such hypocrites and fakes like Loree. It’s like it’s a sin for me to be an authentic and genuine person and that I’m not allowed to make mistakes.
Skype between Gail, Zack Knight and Jesus on Jan. 6, 2021. Jesus Christ’s words are in quotes, usually.
Zack, 12:04 PM Hi Gail. I just read your letter. I’m really upset. We all love you very much.
Zack, 12:16 PM You know… I can’t really speak for Jesus, but I have gotten to know him pretty well recently. And I know that he can’t be like your mother.
Gail, 12:16 PM I’m busy throwing out stuff right now. I know he’s not like my mother. But you gotta remember how I was raised. We’re all influenced by that.
Zack, 12:17 PM Me too I didn’t have a good relationship with my mother either
Gail, 12:18 PM She always made me feel like a failure.
Zack, 12:18 PM It’s amazing how it messes with stuff way out into life You aren’t. You are a survivor. You escaped the worst kind of bad relationship
Gail, 12:20 PM Because of that, I was so shy growing up, that I’d be scared to say anything in school for fear of saying anything wrong. So I’d sit in a classroom all day and not say a word. Cuz of that I almost failed first grade.
Zack, 12:20 PM The reason I say that Jesus can’t be like your mother is that your mother challenged you because she wanted to tear you down. And if you look at what Jesus has been doing, he is refining gold.
Gail, 12:22 PM Thanks, that makes me feel better. Cuz lately I’ve felt like garbage.
Zack, 12:22 PM You’re like this very valueable gold that came from a dirty and oppressive dark mineshaft Jesus removed you from it, and began the process of refining you
Gail, 12:22 PM I feel like all those horrible things my mother told me about myself is true, that I am a selfish, no good girl.
Zack, 12:23 PM Every time, it’s been uncomfortable, but each time you’ve improved… not to be better than you are… but to become more what you are. You are not a selfish, no good girl. You mom was jealous and threatened by you. Everything she said was her own internal feelings about herself.
Gail, 12:25 PM I can’t imagine she’d be so jealous of me. I was an ugly girl with legs so skinny, I looked like I had polio.
Zack, 12:25 PM That’s not true That’s absolutely untrue.
Gail, 12:26 PM Did you ever see pictures of me growing up? My legs looked like sticks!
Zack, 12:26 PM Trust me, as a guy… me and every other guy I’ve seriously talked to about you growing up have said you had long sexy legs
Gail, 12:26 PM My father has those pictures. Not when I was a kid!
Zack, 12:27 PM We should honor those pictures. Those are the legs of a pure gold woman. You know why I know that when your mom said those horrible things to you, that she was speaking to her own failures?
Gail, 12:28 PM That’s probably true, but her words were said so often they are etched into my subconscious.
Zack, 12:29 PM Could you have ever, in a million years… Told those things to Erich?
Gail, 12:29 PM You guys can believe those polio legs were attractive, but I’ll never believe it. No, I tried to treat Erich with the respect I never got.
Zack, 12:30 PM Could little Erich have ever had a bodily defect so bad that you would hsve berated him for it?
Gail, 12:30 PM Never. He was a cute little guy. I’d never do that to him.
Zack, 12:30 PM But did you do it to spite your mother, or because it would be so unnatural for you to want to be that way?
Gail, 12:31 PM Huh? Do what to spite my mother?
Zack, 12:31 PM I’m saying. It’s not even that you treated him good to not be like your mother
Gail, 12:32 PM I was adamant in giving him freedom to be himself, cuz as an INFP, that’s something I’m passionate about.
Zack, 12:32 PM You never would have thought it was an option to abuse your kid that way, if not for your mother. You love him.
Gail, 12:32 PM The idea to abuse Erich never crossed my mind. He was such a cute little button.
Zack, 12:33 PM It would be the most unnatural thing in the world if you wanted to hurt him. If he had scrawny legs, your first impulse woukd be to protect him.
Gail, 12:33 PM But I wasn’t a cute kid. My mom hates my INFP personality and it appears lately that Jesus is not too cool with it, either.
Zack, 12:33 PM Gail… think about it. If Erich wasn’t a cute kid, would you have treated him with any less care and love? Would you try to tear him down?
Gail, 12:35 PM You know, probably not. But I think my personality irritated my mom cuz it reminded her of someone she didn’t like or something.
Zack, 12:35 PM There you go…
Gail, 12:35 PM I seem to have an uncharming personality. When I’m TRULY myself and not putting on airs, which depresses me.
Zack, 12:35 PM She saw a good little girl, with so much promise… and she hated herself.
Gail, 12:35 PM It’s like if I’m truly myself, people hate me.
Zack, 12:36 PM No Gail.
Gail, 12:36 PM My mom used to say that everybody hates you, Gail.
Zack, 12:36 PM We know you We love you when you are yourself
Gail, 12:36 PM I’m too deep and serious to be charming and cool and people don’t like it.
Zack, 12:36 PM That letter you sent is the most Raw Gail I’ve seen. You are this thoughtful woman
Gail, 12:37 PM People hate my INFP personality because it’s so different from them and they don’t understand it.
Zack, 12:37 PM Gail… I don’t think you should even focus on the INFP thing. It’s not you…You are Gail
Gail, 12:38 PM Really?
Zack, 12:38 PM You are uniquely you
Gail, 12:38 PM But a lot of it is true about me.
Zack, 12:38 PM There are only 16 personality types, but only one you.
Gail, 12:39 PM It’s true that I have evolved in my own way and am a lot less INFP than in my childhood.
Zack, 12:39 PM No, you are absolutely uniquely you And you are great You have always been We always grow and change. Because we’re alive. You are extremely valuable and unique.
Gail, 12:41 PM Just curious, when Jesus was an old shoe, what kind of shoe was he?
Zack, 12:42 PM A baby shoe. Like, one you buy a newborn.
Gail, 12:42 PM I wonder what that’s supposed to mean? But it was an old shoe?
Zack, 12:42 PM But like it had been saved as a keepsake. Oh my…I get it. Holy shit, that’s deep He asked how many shoes have you bought recently. And he appeared as your first baby shoes. He was saying that as you’ve grown, you’ve tried to fit into these different versions of “you” And that you’re always like the cute little button to him… the way you always see Erich with that unconditional love.
Gail, 12:46 PM Are you sure that’s what he meant? So he wasn’t trying to tell me to throw out my old shoes?
Zack, 12:47 PM This is a surprise! Jesus just showed up as himself! He usually shows up in a special form It’s just him. Barefoot and holding something. The only thing is, his feet are beautiful! I never noticed
Gail, 12:52 PM You’ve never seen his feet before?
Zack, 12:52 PM No, I never noticed them at least Oh my God…
Gail, 12:52 PM My feet are ugly. They have big bunions.
Zack, 12:53 PM I see him kneeling down in front of you. Are you here?
Gail, 12:53 PM How could I be there?
Zack, 12:53 PM He’s washing your feet!
Gail, 12:54 PM I don’t deserve this Jesus, I’m a dirty, rotten sinner.
Zack, 12:54 PM He revealed what was in his hand It’s a perfect looking gold ring
Gail, 12:55 PM What does that mean? I’m always messing up and disobeying Jesus. My mother’s right. I can’t do anything right.
Jesus Christ, 12:57 PM Jesus just said, “This gold ring was pulled from a dark and oppressive mineshaft. I saw its value while the rocks around it told it that it was worthless, selfish, ugly. But I always saw what it is.” “It was always it’s true self, pure gold.”
Gail, 1:00 PM Jesus, I’m having a hard time believing I’m gold. But I appreciate your love for me. I’m so scared I’m going to be a major let down to you.
Jesus Christ, 1:02 PM Could Erich ever be a letdown to you?
Gail, 1:02 PM Not as long as he’s true to himself and honors true love.
Jesus Christ, 1:03 PM “I think you understand how I feel about you then.”
Gail, 1:04 PM I’m a little confused about how to be true to myself, though. It seems that the more I try to be myself, the more I get into trouble.
Jesus Christ, 1:05 PM “All your life, you have been trying to fit into different shoes. The perfect charming girl, the perfect church wife, an INFP. How many pairs of shoes have you bought recently?”
Gail, 1:05 PM How deep.
Jesus Christ, 1:06 PM “You have beautiful feet.”
Gail, 1:06 PM So who am I, Lord? I’m not even sure I know who I am.
Jesus Christ, 1:06 PM “You are Gail.”
Gail, 1:07 PM And what does this all have to do with obeying the Gail Commandments?
Jesus Christ, 1:07 PM “My favorite person in the whole world, you are you. Why be anyone else?”
Gail, 1:08 PM The only person who gave me the courage to be myself was Brent Spiner. Sometimes I feel a little confused. . . sometimes I’m not sure who I am. Sometimes I’m scared to find out.
Jesus Christ, 1:09 PM “You can rest assured. I know who you are, and she’s awesome.” “She is nothing like what her mother said.”
Gail, 1:10 PM Why am I awesome?
Jesus Christ, 1:10 PM “Because I made you that way”
Gail, 1:10 PM Why did you make me this way? Why couldn’t you make everyone awesome, like even Satan? Actually, he was awesome for a while there, wasn’t he? I feel like I deserve no special privileges.
Jesus Christ, 1:12 PM “Romans 9:20-23”
Gail, 1:15 PM That’s pretty deep. Well, I’ll try not to mess up your Grand Plan. I sure make a lot of mistakes, though. It’s hard to break year long habits. It’s almost like overcoming an addiction.
Jesus Christ, 1:18 PM “The most important thing is that you know that everything your mother said about you being less than her beloved daughter was untrue.” “You have the special insight to part of my heart. Your love for Erich lets you understand. Even when he did something wrong, it didn’t change who he is, or his value. And there was never a need for him to be anything else, or be somebody else.”
Gail, 1:22 PM Because I have that special insight to part of your heart and know how awesome you are, that’s why it’s hurts so much when I let such an awesome being down.
Jesus Christ, 1:22 PM “You asked why are you awesome. And you asked who you are. How would you answer Erich if he asked you the same questions?
Gail, 1:23 PM I would never tell Erich that I thought I was awesome, cuz I’m not stuck on myself. But I would say that the people I consider awesome are those who have the courage to be real, to admit their faults, and to honor the vastness they have inside of themselves. We should never betray that vastness inside of us for sorry motives like greed, a lust for power or to be jealous and competitive. And that if others also have vastness, we should nurture it and encourage it.
Jesus Christ, 1:26 PM “No… that he is awesome” “If he asked you why you say he is awesome”
Gail, 1:27 PM I would say he’s awesome because he’s so accepting of people who are different from him and has such a loving and forgiving heart.
Jesus Christ, 1:28 PM “And if he asked, ‘Who am I’?”
Gail, 1:29 PM I would say you are a free spirit, looking for adventures in love and wanting to make the world a place filled with tolerance, understanding, peace and love. You embrace the authenticity in yourself and others and find differences between people exciting and awesome. He likes to express his own unique identity and consciousness and likes to feel that he’s making the world a better place. He’s into freedom of expression done with respect for the rights of others, and believes in giving people their own space to grow and be the maximum of who they are meant to be. I feel like I’ve really violated that last part lately and hate myself for it. It’s just that I’ve tried to do what my men suggested and think I misunderstood them. I feel like it’s my own fault that I misunderstood them, that this happened because I’m bad.
Jesus Christ, 1:38 PM “I love your answer for Erich.”
Gail, 1:39 PM Well, this has been helpful for me to perhaps see myself more accurately.
Jesus Christ, 1:39 PM “It reveals so many of your qualities, doesn’t it?”
Gail, 1:39 PM Well, he has my genes.
Jesus Christ, 1:39 PM “He has your heart.”
Gail, 1:40 PM Yeah, pretty much. And he seems more true to himself than I am true to myself. He definitely seems more like me than he’s like his dad. I miss the days when we were close. He blocks me at Twitter.
Jesus Christ, 1:41 PM “And you seem more like me than you are your mom.”
Gail, 1:41 PM Did you just do an autocorrect on Zack’s quote? That was neat.
Jesus Christ, 1:42 PM “Yeah. He’s typing for me directly. It’s new for him. I have to train his body to not make as many typing mistakes.” “Brent is a more natural writer.”
Gail, 1:44 PM I thought you’d only let Brent do this! Zack has become one of your favorites now.
Jesus Christ, 1:45 PM “I really hope you understand that you are this gold ring.”
Gail, 1:46 PM It doesn’t seem possible that I could come anywhere near you in virtue or as a being.
Jesus Christ, 1:46 PM “This wedding ring, made of pure gold. Refined and crafted by God.”
Gail, 1:46 PM But I think I understand many of the longings of your heart. Which is why I get so disappointed when I let you down all the time.
Jesus Christ, 1:47 PM “Has Erich ever let you down?” “Answer honestly”
Gail, 1:49 PM I make allowances for the times when he has and understand that he has a beautiful heart and is growing and really wants to do right deep down underneath. Also, one time when he called me in 2004 and scolded me for not being willing to live with David during the hurricanes, I think that was his look alike and not him.
Jesus Christ, 1:50 PM “Did any of his mistakes, or when he acted badly… Did anything ever change his value? Or change who he is? Or your love for him?”
Gail, 1:53 PM I’ll be honest, if he became a criminal like my sister, I’d be very ashamed of him and would want him to get the full justice of the law. But he really has a beautiful heart and, for that reason, even when he makes mistakes, I always see that heart and know that he’s really trying to be good, and so he always seem valuable to me, because his heart is so good. But my heart is not always so good!
Jesus Christ, 1:53 PM “Your heart is pure gold.”
Gail, 1:53 PM My mother corrupted my heart. She rubbed off on me. Her evil materialism has infected me.
Jesus Christ, 1:54 PM “You are nothing like her” “I want the best for you. And I know how I made you.”
Gail, 1:55 PM I know you want the best for me, but sometimes I feel like I can’t do what you want because I’m too inferior.
Jesus Christ, 1:56 PM “You are human.” “Could Erich have ever grown into a good man if he never made any mistakes, never learned from mistakes or grew? If he never had to struggle and experience hardship?”
Gail, 1:58 PM But I make more mistakes than your favorite should make! Like I think about all the mistakes I make and that you’ve been quiet about and I wonder what other mistakes I make and how you could call me your favorite.
Jesus Christ with Zack typing, 1:59 PM “LOL” Jesus laughed really loud “Oh Gail. I love you!” “You’re awesome.”
Gail, 2:00 PM Now, I feel like my life is a ticking time bomb and it’s only a matter of time before I learn about 100 other mistakes I’m making.
Jesus Christ, 2:01 PM “Try to imagine how you would feel if little Erich said this to you.”
Gail, 2:01 PM I’d laugh my head off.
Jesus Christ, 2:02 PM “I can tell you that you will keep making mistakes your whole life. And you will keep improving your whole life.”
Gail, 2:03 PM So you think I’m over stressing about my mistakes?
Jesus Christ, 2:03 PM “What’s important is that you are always you. And that these improvements are just you being truer to yourself and the heart I gave you.” “You know what a crucible is?”
Gail, 2:04 PM Sort of. But isn’t clutter part of who I am?
Jesus Christ, 2:05 PM “It’s a special cup used to refine precious metals.”
Gail, 2:05 PM It shows my free spirit. I got to admit that it would be nice to have less clutter, though.
Jesus Christ, 2:06 PM “You place the raw metal into the cup, and heat it up.” “The metal melts down, and the impurities and junk stuck to the precious metal seperate off”
Gail, 2:07 PM I’m really stressed out about your rule to not eat anything one hour before bedtime and then for the rest of the night. What if I can’t sleep because of hunger pangs? I’ve had a bedtime snack for like the past 40 years!
Jesus Christ, 2:08 PM “The refiner removes the impurities, and lets the pure metal cool down”
Gail, 2:09 PM Am I supposed to lay in bed and count sheep?
Jesus Christ, 2:09 PM “I saw that you were ready for the crucible. Ready to start letting go of the junk you’ve carried with you.”
Gail, 2:09 PM Will I call down the wrath of God if I go eat a cracker?
Jesus Christ, 2:10 PM “Do you find it interesting at all that these new changes brought up the old pain and baggage of your trauma with your mother?”
Gail, 2:11 PM Yeah, it appears I ate as a form of comfort food. But I’m addicted to my comfort food!
Jesus Christ, 2:11 PM “You are feeling the effects of a crucible.”
Gail, 2:12 PM It’s like smokers are addicted to smoking and alcoholics are addicted to alcohol. Though I don’t think my comfort food is quite as unhealthy as smoking or alcoholism.
Jesus Christ, 2:12 PM “Do you want an addiction to be mixed into the gold ring when it’s time to cast it for your husband?”
Gail, 2:13 PM To cast what for my husband?
Jesus Christ, 2:14 PM “To cast you, the beautiful pure gold” “None of the bad things you have associated with yourself are you.”
Gail, 2:15 PM So you’re saying that when I learn to see myself as that gold ring, that I’ll overcome my comfort food addiction.
Jesus Christ, 2:15 PM “You’re right. Eating a cracker at bedtime isn’t a problem by itself.” “But always seeing bad things in yourself. Trying to self comfort and self medicate. Filling your life with clutter. It’s not actually you.”
Gail, 2:17 PM I feel guilty about that lavish television set you have on my wish list. I feel like it makes me appear materialistic. Why do I hold onto things, Lord?
Jesus Christ, 2:18 PM “You are a free spirit. But even the most free spirited person in the world shouldn’t live in clutter.” “Because you are afraid of losing things. Afraid to let go.”
Gail, 2:20 PM I always worry I will lose what I care about. My mother always threatened to throw me on the streets. I always felt disposable.
Jesus Christ, 2:20 PM “I want you to have a few very nice things. Not an accumulation of thousands of disposable things.”
Gail, 2:20 PM I never believed a man would truly love the real me and that if he ever knew who I really was, he’d LEAVE. That’s why I tried to be perfect. My father left my mother and my mother always said men are like that.
Jesus Christ, 2:21 PM “I’m giving you a hug right now.” “Your mother was wrong.”
Gail, 2:22 PM So I felt I had to be perfect to ensure I could keep the man. Yeah, it’s hard to unlearn all the garbage she drummed into me. Brent is the first guy I was truly myself with and to my amazement, he seemed to love the REAL ME. But I have this fear that when he lives with me, he may change his mind!
Jesus Christ, 2:24 PM “That’s insane.” “You need to understand this.” “Any good man would treasure you.”
Gail, 2:25 PM That’s true. I lived with my step dad and he seemed to like me. I miss my step dad. He was cool.
Jesus Christ, 2:26 PM “I love hanging out with your step dad.” “He is cool.”
Gail, 2:27 PM What is my real father like? My mother calls him a cold, selfish man and I often feel like I may be a lot like him.
Jesus Christ, 2:28 PM “Brent may not like to hear this. But there is a world full of good men. You could actually be happy with any one of them, and they would all adore you as a wife.”
Gail, 2:28 PM But Brent is such a big person. That’s why he allows the marriage list.
Jesus Christ, 2:29 PM “Your father is a good man. Your mother was pretty venomous and toxic. She drove him away, and then spoke badly of him and tried to make you feel worthless.”
Gail, 2:30 PM So you think most of my current physical ailments are psychosomatic or the result of disobeying the Gail Commandments? That’s means a lot to know my father was a good man. She always said I was just like him and it doesn’t appear good that his first wife died homeless living in a car, according to my mother.
Jesus Christ, 2:31 PM “A lot of what your mother told you is untrue.” “I’ll let you in on an interesting truth.” “You’re right about Brent’s big heart.” “He allows the marriage list because he knows you have a need for closeness with your men.”
Gail, 2:33 PM Myfitnesspal.com keeps crashing. Can I just keep a food diary and write out what I’m eating now and ignore myfitnesspal.com?
Jesus Christ, 2:34 PM “Of course. Use whatever works and is easy. I want you to just have fun being your creative brilliant food genius self.” “Are you ready to hear a new revelation?”
Gail, 2:35 PM Sure.
Jesus Christ, 2:37 PM “If you ever met a man in your daily life that you found to be good to you and loved you for who you are, and you wanted him. Not me or Brent would object. You could pursue it without hurting things with Brent or my plan.”
Gail, 2:37 PM No! My heart is set on Brent!
Jesus Christ, 2:38 PM “I know!”
Gail, 2:38 PM To me, it’s Brent or BUST. I’d rather be single the rest of my life than to choose anyone other than Brent.
Jesus Christ, 2:38 PM “I’m telling you that it’s not that Brent was the only man who could love you.”
Gail, 2:39 PM He’s special. He was the one who made me realize I could be loved totally for who I really am.
Jesus Christ, 2:39 PM “I think you understand. You should be loved for who you are.”
Gail, 2:40 PM But if I married another man, I couldn’t marry Brent!
Jesus Christ, 2:40 PM “That’s not technically true.”
Gail, 2:41 PM I’m not looking! That marriage list was NEVER my idea.
Jesus Christ, 2:41 PM “Yes, I know you aren’t”
Gail, 2:42 PM That would be like telling Rule 13 that she could marry someone besides Zack Knight. You know how she’d react to that.
Jesus Christ, 2:42 PM “You really are awesome.”
Gail, 2:43 PM Oh, you mean cuz I’m so loyal to my true love?
Jesus Christ, 2:43 PM “You made Zack smile.”
Gail, 2:44 PM Zack has turned super cool. I think he really loves me, but Rule 13 is definitely his NUMBER ONE. I would never want to get between them.
Zack, 2:45 PM I know what you’re saying Gail – Zack It’s like how Terrance wasn’t getting in between me and Rule 13 – Zack I might be mistaken, but I think that’s why Jesus allows the marriage list. So we can be there for each other even when you are devoted to your love. – Zack
Gail, 2:48 PM Rule 13 may have been turned on by Satan in that courtroom, but it was just a fling with her. Her deep, true feelings are with you, Zack. I see.
Zack, 2:49 PM I think that’s what Jesus was saying. That you could have a fling with a man that has a good heart and it would be okay. – Zack
Gail, 2:49 PM I would hate myself for having a fling with any man. To me, sex is marriage. I don’t consider brain to brain loving as sex.
Zack, 2:50 PM Yeah, I think Jesus always respects your position on that. But is probably less rigid than you think. – Zack
Gail, 2:51 PM Well, you have to understand that my mother trained me to believe that my father was a womanizer, so I have this big thing about being loyal in sex. And she always said I was just like him.
Jesus Christ, 2:52 PM “Do you notice that you keep coming back to lies your mother traumatized you with?”
Gail, 2:53 PM Yeah, it’s hard to overcome all that conditioning.
Jesus Christ, 2:54 PM “It’s really healthy that you are now able to face these things. You keep leveling up!” “I knew you were ready!” “Your father is a good man.” “You are a good woman.”
Gail, 2:55 PM I feel really guity over what I did to Susan and feel partly responsible that Kristofer Foster has returned to alcoholism, Maybe if he didn’t get raped by Urethra for being my patron, he would have been okay.
Jesus Christ, 2:55 PM “You have helped Susan and Kristofer more than you know.”
Gail, 2:56 PM What do you think of that web page I created today that they have to use a password to access? I did that to help them. If it helps them it will help alleviate the guilt I feel over them. I want them to hear my daily blog videos for free.
Jesus Christ, 2:57 PM “You did such a kind thing by giving them that.”
Gail, 2:58 PM I know Kristofer is really poor and he seems to have such a good heart. I want to help him.
Jesus Christ, 2:58 PM “Your friendship is so valuable. Susan is still trying to compose herself because she’s so happy to hear from you.”
Gail, 2:59 PM I think he struggles with self-image issues, too. So I can really relate. Alcohol is his comfort food.
Jesus Christ, 3:00 PM “You are a light in Kristofer’s world. He will beat his addiction because of your example.”
Gail, 3:00 PM Oh, that made my day! Now I feel so much better. Part of the reason I cried so much last night in bed is cuz I feel like all I do is bring suffering into the world.
Jesus Christ, 3:01 PM “That was a lie from Satan.” “You only need to be yourself.” “You asked me earlier what all of this has to do with Gail Commandments.” “Are you ready for the answer?”
Gail, 3:03 PM Of course.
Jesus Christ, 3:03 PM “Absolutely nothing.” “The Gail Commandments are just self-care instructions that I have you to be a good steward of yourself.” “You see, you had been taught to believe you weren’t worth living well. That there was something wrong that needed fixing.” “And as a result, you didn’t really care for yourself the way you should be cared for.”
Gail, 3:06 PM That all makes sense.
Jesus Christ, 3:08 PM “The reason the Gail Commandments, cleaning clutter, discarding things, taking care of yourself, and seeing a wish list of too-nice things has brought up all these memories and feelings is…” “You feel like this is too good for you.”
Gail, 3:09 PM Also, when Jesuits or evil people atack my supporters I feel like I’m partly to blame that everyone pays such a price for supporting me and that I’m not worth all this. I hate to see the suffering people go through for loving and supporting me, just cuz Jesuits attack them.
Jesus Christ, 3:09 PM “Yes, it’s natural to feel uncomfortable changing habits too. But think about why the cheapest 50 inch TV on amazon makes you feel undeserving…” “You hear your mom’s voice telling you lies.”
Gail, 3:10 PM Jesus, that television worth about two hundred dollars- that money could be given to help the poor! How many people in the world can’t even eat and I get a fancy television set?!
Jesus Christ, 3:10 PM “LOL”
Gail, 3:12 PM Even Susan with her income, does volunteer work with Meals on Wheels. She’s a better person than me.
Jesus Christ, 3:12 PM https://youtu.be/PXkefD5YYBo
“Isn’t this such a nice song?”
Gail, 3:14 PM Did you or Zack post that song? I love the music from Jesus Christ Superstar. That Andrew Lloyd Weber is a genius.
Jesus Christ, 3:15 PM “I posted it. What happens in this song?”
Gail, 3:20 PM Satan in the form of Judas Iscariot condemns Mary for wasting expensive ointment to anoint Jesus for his burial. But a television set is a satanic electronics object and sends the wrong message to people that we worship electronics and gadgets. Satan invented electricity. In my twenties I felt that watching television was sinful. And now with all the lies in the news media, I’m starting to go back to that. Though it would be nice to have a large screen to watch my DVDs. But I still have a hang up about electronics and sending the wrong message to people by having that on my wishlist.
Jesus Christ, 3:24 PM “Here is the problem. You have spent many many times more than this on things you didn’t need.” “Anything I intend for good is good, even if Satan intends it for evil.” “People use the internet for evil, but I have you posting regularly on YouTube.”
Gail, 3:26 PM Kind of like how you allowed Zack to be Antichrist and now it’s turned out for good.
Jesus Christ, 3:27 PM “Your aversion to having a clean, minimalistic house with a few very nice things is only because deep down, you feel like you don’t deserve it.” “You feel like you deserve a lot of low quality things. So you live with plastic furniture and cardboard boxes, and lots of clutter. And don’t hesitate to spend money on it.” “This isn’t to shame you… I want you to see how you are too valuable to keep living like this.”
Gail, 3:29 PM You’re helping me understand how to declutter my place better now.
Jesus Christ, 3:31 PM “I have given Zack a vision for how your apartment can be. It would make it very easy to live happily and be a free spirit. Where you don’t need to spend all day doing Gail Commandments.” “An apartment where everything is in its proper place. And when you are ready to move, it will be easy to pack up and go.” “A life where you will be happier and freer.”
Gail, 3:33 PM Okay. I’ll try to get rid of stuff that I don’t use or food that’s expired or shoes I never wear. It will take some time cuz I’ve been here since 2004 and accumulated a lot of stuff and have to go down 3 flights of stairs to the dumpster.
Jesus Christ, 3:34 PM “Imagine how hard it would have been, to move that all to a new place.”
Gail, 3:35 PM I also want to conserve on garbage bags, so I try to fill them up each day to save money on garbage bags. Yes, I figured you may be preparing me for a move, too. How much time do you want me to spend each day decluttering?
Jesus Christ, 3:37 PM “I don’t want you to stress over it. But I do want you to be active about it.”
Gail, 3:37 PM How have I done today?
Jesus Christ, 3:38 PM “Your heart is in the right place. And I think you deserve the rest of the day off.”
Gail, 3:38 PM Zack is typing with periods at ends of sentences. Have you totally taken over his hands for this, like you do Brent? What about vacuuming today? It’s been about a week.
Zack, 3:39 PM This is Zack It’s really weird, as he types through me
Gail, 3:39 PM That’s so interesting.
Zack and Jesus Christ in quotes, 3:40 PM Yeah, the more I let go, the more it feels like he is just typing. “You should take the rest of the day to just relax and do whatever you feel like doing. This is my ultimate goal with the Gail Commandments. That you treat yourself the way I would have others treat you.”
Gail, 3:43 PM This has been really helpful. I felt like I was in a deep emotional hole.
Jesus Christ, 3:43 PM “I like to call it the crucible.” “It can be hard to be melted down and forced to face the garbage that was stuck to our lives. Especially when you were made to believe it was part of you.”
Gail, 3:45 PM I’m happiest when I do stuff that is humanitarian and helps people be happier and more free. That’s what I like to do with my free time when I follow my heart.
Jesus Christ, 3:45 PM “You believed you were the things your mother said, and as you begin to face the truth, you almost don’t want to give up your old beliefs.”
Gail, 3:46 PM Which truth did I face?
Jesus Christ, 3:46 PM “The idea that part of you is a selfish little girl is hard to let go of.” “That you aren’t what your mother said.” “It’s some of the clutter in your life. Something you need to throw away in order to purify the Gold that is who you really are.” “Keeping these worthless things and false beliefs can actually feel safe and comforting. I understand this because I felt it when I lived life as a human.”
Gail, 3:49 PM This sort of reminds me of the movie Good Will Hunting with Matt Damon and Robin Williams and I am a lot llike the Matt Damon character.
Jesus Christ, 3:50 PM “I grew up in a town where people assumed my mom was an adulteress.”
Gail, 3:50 PM YOU felt worthless?! But you’re GOD.
Jesus Christ, 3:51 PM “Yes. Part of me coming to earth was to feel just like you.”
Gail, 3:51 PM You thought about me back THEN?
Jesus Christ, 3:52 PM “I thought about you even when I was on the cross.”
Gail, 3:52 PM But then you thought about all of humanity on the cross!
Jesus Christ, 3:53 PM “I could see everything you ever would do, and every thought. I especially thought about you.”
Gail, 3:53 PM You are capable of thinking about millions of people at once.
Jesus Christ, 3:53 PM “But you were the one that helped me get through it.”
Gail, 3:54 PM Is this cuz of the significant roles that I will play for the tribulation and millennial saints? My God, I’m honored! You will use my life story to help prevent more millennial saints from defecting to Satan at the end of the 1000 year reign, right?
Jesus Christ, 3:55 PM “It’s because you are you. My favorite.”
Gail, 3:55 PM Or I should say millennial humans.
Jesus Christ, 3:56 PM “It really is just that I love you for who you are.”
Gail, 3:57 PM I think your disciples should be your favorites, like Peter was crucified upside down for you and the rest, with the possible exception of John, died as martyrs.
Jesus Christ, 3:57 PM “I’m so moved that you were able to open up about how you feel. That’s why I just opened up to you.”
Gail, 3:57 PM About how I feel about you, you mean and that I feel you are too awesome for me? That I don’t deserve you.
Jesus Christ, 3:58 PM “That’s only because you’re still learning who you are.”
Gail, 3:58 PM I don’t think I could take being crucified upside down without complaining like a storm. And going on a big pity party.
Jesus Christ, 3:59 PM “I’ll admit. You sure would complain like a storm. Lol”
Gail, 3:59 PM Peter is better than me. Even if he did deny you. I’m not very good with bodily discomforts.
Jesus Christ, 4:00 PM “Peter was a stoic guy, and yes. He denied me. But do you think that changed how I loved him, and who he was to me?”
Gail, 4:00 PM Of course not! You knew he would go on to do great things for you.
Jesus Christ, 4:02 PM “Even if he never did go on to do great things for me, it wouldn’t have changed things for me.” “That’s called unconditional love. And it’s what I have for you too.”
Gail, 4:02 PM That means you must deeply love Satan then, since you and Lucifer had millions of years together.
Jesus Christ, 4:03 PM “Yes, but he may not be redeemable.” “I still give him every chance.”
Gail, 4:04 PM That’s pretty awful to be God the Father’s image bearer and then to be such an ingrate.
Jesus Christ, 4:04 PM “Yeah, he’s a real ass.” “I’m really excited about you.”
Gail, 4:05 PM That’s what happens when you’re too perfect and it gets to your head. I noticed that God the Father showed up at the Satan appearance. That’s really interesting.
Jesus Christ, 4:06 PM “Yeah, Dad does that sometimes.”
Gail, 4:06 PM Well, it’s not like Satan didn’t cause a lot of problems on earth. I mean he just about killed off the whole planet. This would concern God the Father.
Jesus Christ, 4:06 PM “I’m sorry I made you feel like I was being like your mom.” “I feel like you feel about Susan. I don’t want miscommunications and unspoken feelings to get between us.”
Gail, 4:08 PM You allowed this to happen so you could have this conversation with me today. Will there still be a follow-up to see how I’m doing with the Gail Commandments in around a week? It must be tough to care so much for someone and have to be patient while you watch them destroy themselves. But then you do that for everyone.
Jesus Christ, 4:09 PM “This is the follow up. I’ll periodically check in. But I do want you to go at your own pace. As long as you’re being committed to making these improvements.”
Gail, 4:10 PM Wow. You’re really awesome. The do over is more on the inside than it is just about clutter in my apartment.
Jesus Christ, 4:11 PM “I want you to be aware of apathy and putting off things. You might notice how it can destroy a whole day, just sitting there worrying about the whole job.”
Gail, 4:11 PM You are trying to heal some deep emotional wounds and doing surgery of sorts on my heart.
Jesus Christ, 4:11 PM “Oh, make no mistake, this is an inside and outside job! I want you to live in a really awesome living space.”
Gail, 4:11 PM Worrying about the whole job?
Jesus Christ, 4:12 PM “And I want your heart to be free of the clutter too!”
Gail, 4:13 PM Can I ask you a deep question? Why did you create humans? I mean you had the angels for companionship before you created humans, right? I think you worked with God the Father in the creation.
Jesus Christ, 4:14 PM “By the whole job, I mean, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by all the work ahead of you. And sometimes it makes you just stop and do nothing. I’d rather you pick something easy to fix, do it quick, and go on for the day loving life than to spend all day stressing about your tasks.”
Gail, 4:15 PM If I know why you created man, I may be more motivated as I serve you. Cuz I am one of the humans you created and am your favorite. Sometimes I feel like we humans are so so unworthy of you.
Jesus Christ, 4:15 PM “Yes, but none of those angels can relate to me.”
Gail, 4:16 PM That’s why the Bible says man was created in God’s image, right?
Jesus Christ, 4:16 PM “When I asked you how you feel about Erich. How you view him, and love him.”
Gail, 4:16 PM It doesn’t say that about the angels.
Jesus Christ, 4:17 PM “Yes, you are made in my image. You are close to my heart.” “What does the Bible say about King David?”
Gail, 4:17 PM A man after God’s own heart.
Jesus Christ, 4:17 PM “You get it.”
Gail, 4:18 PM But why did you create angels then? Sometimes I feel that Satan is better than me, cuz he’s smarter. I don’t like him, but he’s so smart. Satan is cruel.
Jesus Christ, 4:19 PM “He lacks my heart.”
Gail, 4:20 PM Yeah, he never would have allowed himself to be born in a lowly manger to a woman known as an adulteress in the Jewish community, which almost caused Mary to be stoned. You didn’t answer my question about why God created angels. I think this topic breaks your heart too much. A third of them fell. That must be tough on both you and God the Father.
Jesus Christ, 4:21 PM “You really understand me” “Yes, that was hard. And I knew humanity would turn too.”
Gail, 4:22 PM Well, I’m glad I helped you endure the cross. Because if you had not done that, God the Father probably would have needed to destroy the human race like he almost did in the flood.
Jesus Christ, 4:23 PM “But it was worth the cost. To give them the ability to have my image, and have the choice. It was worth it to die for them.”
Gail, 4:23 PM Satan corrupted the human DNA.
Jesus Christ, 4:23 PM “Yes, you could say that the cross was the first time Gail helped save the world.”
Gail, 4:24 PM I feel such a deep responsibility. But I’ll try not to stress about it. And remember what you said. It’s no wonder Satan gave me the mother I had.
Jesus Christ, 4:25 PM “Yes, take it one day at a time.”
Gail, 4:25 PM Did Satan know about me before I was born?
Jesus Christ, 4:25 PM “Do you realize how much you grew today?”
Gail, 4:26 PM Yeah, I’ve learned a lot!
Jesus Christ, 4:27 PM “Yes, Satan knew about you before you were born. He overheard me bragging about you. This happened with Job too.”
Gail, 4:27 PM When did you brag about me before I was born?
Jesus Christ, 4:28 PM “It’s hard to say, I probably said it outside of normal space-time.”
Gail, 4:29 PM I get it. You once told me that it’s hard to explain the concept of eternity to mortals cuz it’s some very advanced physics, I think. Is my emotional IQ higher than Satan’s? This might do wonders for my self-image. Or maybe not. Satan’s pretty smart. But then with such a high emotional IQ, I would feel more is expected of me.
Jesus Christ, 4:31 PM “You know… It’s true yours is higher. But the best answer is. That doesn’t matter.” “Your emotional IQ is just one little part of you.” “Just like how your personality type is just a rough categorization that is fun for people to use. It should never replace or get in the way of appreciating who you really are.”
Gail, 4:34 PM I guess if I had to categorize me, I should say I have the heart of King David raised by a narcissist.
Jesus Christ, 4:34 PM “I was eventually going to tell you this. That the personality profile is more of a fun toy. It can’t tell you who you are.”
Gail, 4:35 PM With my high I.Q. I’m probably very complex and can’t be categorized.
Jesus Christ, 4:35 PM “It would really be sad if you could reduce everyone down to only one of 16 possible personalities.”
Gail, 4:35 PM That’s true. You once said I’m like little David before he sinned with Uriah the Hittite.
Jesus Christ, 4:36 PM “I would categorize you as Gail.” “You have infinitely many details. Any categorization is just to try and highlight some wonderful feature.”
Gail, 4:38 PM What an insightful day this has been. Thank you for your time and I hope to stay in your plan to make up for the pain you have suffered because a third of the angels fell and Adam and Eve also fell. You deserve some compensation for having to die on that cross for the humanity you love.
Jesus Christ, 4:38 PM https://youtu.be/lCMvYSWC4ks
“Here’s another song for you.”
Gail, 4:41 PM I’m really honored, but I still feel quite unworthy of you.
Jesus Christ, 4:42 PM “By the way, not that it changes who you are. But you gained about 100 or more emotional IQ points today.”
Gail, 4:42 PM So my itchy skin is all because I think about it too much? Could it also be psychosomatic? Well, it seems to come and go depending on whether I think about it. My mind must be really powerful.Thanks Jesus, with your help, I’ll get through all this. At least I feel less like garbage.
Jesus Christ, 4:46 PM “It’s a bit psychosomatic. But if any problem persists, you should tell your men.” “You are the opposite of garbage.”
Gail, 4:47 PM Okay.
Jesus Christ, 4:48 PM “I want you to live comfortably and happy. I want you to be prosperous.”
Gail, 4:48 PM I love you, Jesus. But you know that. I feel like I’m not worthy to say that because my love is not perfect like yours.
Jesus Christ, 4:49 PM “I don’t want perfect. I want you.”
Gail, 4:49 PM You’re amazing.
Jesus Christ, 4:49 PM “Oh yeah, well I made you so what does that make you?” “You’re my favorite!”
Gail, 4:50 PM You got your work cut out for you to get me to believe I’m that special. Satan’s done a number on me. But at least I no longer feel depressed about myself, thanks to your excellent psychotherapy on me today.
Jesus Christ, 4:53 PM “I’m going to keep working to show you who you are.”
Gail, 4:54 PM Is this Zack? Oh never mind. I see the quotes. They appeared afterwards.
Zack, 4:54 PM Sorry, I’m new at this with Jesus
Gail, 4:54 PM You’re doing great, Zack. When you say I’m your favorite is that just for this time period or for all time? That’s a pretty big question, I know. But it has deep significance.
Jesus Christ, 4:57 PM “All time.”
Gail, 4:57 PM deep Wow. It’s no wonder Satan has so attacked my self-image! That gives me a lot to ponder over. Satan always tries to approach me as you in a lover form, but I know better than that, fortunately! I tell him to leave! What a lowdown trickster. I have no intention of letting him give me his devil semen.
Jesus Christ, 5:07 PM “We covered a lot today!”
Gail, 5:07 PM We sure did. Thank you, I feel healed. I still have a ways to go, but you did a lot of work in me today. I have a lot to ponder over and it’s mind boggling that I helped you endure the cross. That’s quite an honor. Here’s my song for you, Jesus. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngSsaSimi8A
Gail, 5:18 PM Here’s another one for you. Thanks to your death on the cross, I can’t wait till you reign!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Rf3WK_IJ1g
Jesus Christ, 5:18 PM “Thank you!”
Gail, 5:19 PM It will be awesome, Jesus. It’s going to be great when you sit on that throne in Jerusalem! And my ancestor King David will be reigning over the Jewish nation. What a day that will be! I part with this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycz4s2xwDhc
Jesus Christ, 5:24 PM “You’re awesome Gail!”
Zack, 5:24 PM Woah, he just turned into a dove and flew away!
If you enjoyed this, Jesus has been speaking to me directly since 2012, I have transcripts of the conversations I’ve had with him from 2012 to about early 2020: Bible for Tribulation Saints ORDERING INFORMATION.